Notes from a first impression of Mindfulness practice - from an on-the-go personality:
As a naturally introverted and anxious person, I do not tend to respond well to the idea of "sitting still" - I grew up equating this with dawdling and wasting time. Idealistically, the image of me someday becoming a calm, zen, chill meditated practitioner of Mindfulness seemed like a highly unlikely and abstract idea. I have always been someone who aims be constantly on the move, taking action toward some goal - my biggest enemy is an untouched to-do list and the thought of it just makes me so antsy!
So, when the opportunity to try the Mindfulness school's online course for their 6-week introductory came up as part of our Fellowship group project, I was deeply curious as to how the course would go. I followed along with the provided "guided practice" videos our instructors provide, and all I initially could feel was discomfort everywhere. No matter how I tried to adjust my body, suddenly something else felt awkwardly posed - my ribs, my neck, my belly, my forehead muscles, like a self-conscious bodily version of whack-a-mole. A few minutes later at the end of the clip, it turns out that is completely normal, which instantly made me feel validated and eased my ego. I particularly noticed how I just couldn't EMPTY my mind - I thought a quiet mind would mean mental silence, but instead, I couldn’t turn off my own psychological commentary to every little thing.
Just this initial task of preparing my body for stillness and an empty mind took me well over a week to feel a decent difference about - a fact which still annoys me to this day, but I've realized makes no sense to fester over. The rest of my journey trying to grapple with Mindfulness from the view of a restless person will be shared as we continue along this journey.